Protocol Snow

I had planned on reviewing the iPad in my next post, but instead I’ll dedicate this entry to my photo below and an incident that happened today. Review of the iPad coming soon.
(UPDATE: now posted)

As was correctly guessed, those iPads in the photo are not for me. When Apple delayed the international iPad launch by a month, early adopters worldwide started to panic. Since my nearby Apple store initially had plenty of stock, I offered to purchase and ship iPads internationally for members of the NeoGAF gaming forum. I was doing this as a favor, unlike hoarders who were unloading iPads on eBay to cash in on the $150+ markup. Instead, my asking prices were very reasonable, just enough to cover all the tax, international express shipping, and Paypal fees with a little left over for unexpected costs.

So as the pick-up requests came in, I went on multiple visits to the Apple store, buying no more than 2 per day since I had heard there was a limit per person. I found this whole situation pretty funny considering I had never bought an Apple product prior to this madness (the iPod Touch I use at work was given to me by my medical school). But the store recently went completely out of stock. I had one last order to fulfill so an employee helped me place a reservation. A few days passed and yesterday I was sent an email notifying that my reserved iPad had come in. The story begins here…

I walk into the store today and ask somebody where I can pick up my iPad reservation. He notes my name and says he’ll be back, going behind closed doors to the stockroom.

I take advantage of this opportunity to place another iPad reservation using a store PowerBook. There are a couple more NeoGAF people considering a purchase, but they haven’t paid me yet. Oh well, by the time this reservation comes in, one of them should have made up his mind and sent payment.

But drats, reservations are limited to one per iTunes account. Luckily I have a second account so I used that to place the reservation. No sweat.

The employee emerges a few minutes later with the iPad and I hand over my credit card. If you’ve never been to an Apple store before, instead of checking customers out at a register, the employees use hand-held credit card terminals to ring up purchases. Adds to the hip factor, I suppose.

But instead of using his handheld device, he walks to the back of the store where the “Genius Bar” is. Naught a word spoken. There are registers here but this area is used mainly for technical support. I follow the guy there. He still hasn’t said anything to me. He gives my credit card to one of the staff there and says, “I want you to help me ring up this purchase.”

Guy #2 (looking at the handheld terminal) — “Why don’t you just use that?”

Guy #1 — “I need to check the card for… uh, pre-authorization.”

Guy #2 — “Ok.”

He swipes my card and they click around for about half a minute while looking at their monitor and whispering. Meanwhile, I’m standing on the other side of the Genius Bar, only half paying attention to these two guys. Instead I was curiously watching an employee ask a girl what she loves most about Apple.

Guy #2 (murmuring) — “…yeah, the 14th.”

My attention snaps back when I catch this snippet. April 14th was my last trip to the Apple store, and I had bought 2 iPads that day. When I walked to the Genius Bar, I hadn’t suspected anything out of the ordinary. But now I suddenly realize I will not be walking out of here with an iPad today.

Guy #1 says to Guy #2 — “Hold on, I’ll be right back” and disappears to the stockroom again. Guy #2 is still clicking around, not looking at me.

Me (nonchalantly) — “Is there an issue?”

He’s still staring at his monitor and a few seconds pass before Guy #2 carefully says, “There is a limit to the number of iPads that customers can buy.”

Me (playing dumb) — “Oh, is that right? What’s the limit?”

Guy #2 — “Only 2 per customer.”

Ok, so the gig is up. I stand around waiting for a bit and was preparing to leave when Guy #1 returns.

Guy #1 — “I’m sorry sir, but you have reached your lifetime limit of iPad purchases and will not be allowed to buy any more.”

Me (anticipating that statement) — “Is the iPad limit per person? Per credit card? Per household?”

Guy #1 — “All I can say is that you have reached your lifetime limit.”

Me — “What does that mean? Can I use a different credit card to buy it? I’m buying this for a friend.”

Guy #1 — “You are not allowed to buy this iPad.”

Me — “Uhh… is it ok if I have a family member or friend come to buy it for me? My reservation doesn’t expire until 6:00 PM.”

Guy #1 — “All I can say is that you have reached your lifetime limit.”

Me (suddenly realizing what he’s saying) — “Wait, what? Lifetime? What does that mean?”

Guy #1 — “All I can say is that you have reached your lifetime limit of iPads and will not be allowed to buy any more.”

Me — “I’m banned from buying iPads? I know there’s a shortage right now, but I can’t buy any more once there’s plenty of stock?”

Guy #1 — “All I can say is that you have reached your lifetime limit.”

I pause and look at him with incredulity undoubtedly written all over my face. Everybody tells me I have the worst poker face. Hey asshole, nice job with the passive aggressiveness, but who do you think you’re talking to? I’m from Los Angeles; nobody does passive-aggressive like we do!

Me — “Ok buddy, I’m not going to make a scene so I’m leaving. How many iPads is the limit by the way?”

Guy #1 — “That information is not available.”

Me (looking at Guy #2, who has been silent this whole time) — “He tells me that the limit is two.”

Guy #1 — “I wish I could say but I do not have that information.”

Me — “I’ve already purchased more than 2 iPads. Why didn’t anybody else stop me in the past?”

Guy #1 — “I wish I could say but I do not have that information.”

Me — “Alright, I’ve had enough. Have a good day.”

The icing on the cake? When I came home, I found an email from Apple waiting for me. It was an update about my reservation, the one I had placed today in the store using my 2nd account!

Ban complete.

APPENDIX: Many people have been emailing me to ask how much I charged people. While I had previously decided not to give any concrete numbers, I also didn’t anticipate the wide interest in my story. For full disclosure, here are the specific figures:

A 16 GB iPad model retails for U.S. $499. My initial asking price was U.S. $650. This price includes all my additional charges: sales tax, 2 day USPS international express shipping, insurance, and Paypal credit card fees. All customs duty was properly declared.

This initial price was based on a shipping cost which I had estimated myself. Once I actually shipped the first package out and knew the actual USPS shipping cost, I refunded $20 to my buyers and lowered my price to U.S. $630.

The other models were priced the same way.

In summary, 16 GB for $630, 32 GB for $740, 64 GB for $850.

How is this different from eBay markup? eBay auctions add additional shipping costs and fees on top of the final auction value ($150-$200 above retail last I checked).

I bought 5 iPads total. You can do whatever calculation you want to figure out my “big-time profits”. I’ll save you the time: it was negligible.

Was it worth all that effort driving around after long days working at the hospital? Financially, no. But 5 diehard Apple fans in countries around the world are now very happy and spreading the iPad love to friends and co-workers, who would not have seen the iPad in person for a month at the very minimum. A couple of them have requested that I buy a few more iPads for their friends. I had to decline because… well, Apple banned me.

Photo from Flickr. I don’t know his story, please don’t go flaming him.

Let’s play a game: how many sites will use this photo in connection with my story when they post about it, thinking these iPads are all mine? Just a little test to see if people actually read what I write instead of being sensationalists and grabbing only what they want to hear.